Revivify....

I am back.  No, really.  Who I was.  Before all.....this.  ('This' being the ms monster.)

I've made hugely rewarding changes in my life. Epic.

A little back story...animal welfare was my rubric.

For well over a decade, I was not only a vegetarian but also an animal advocate.  A peta member, supporter, word spreader and donator.  I supported the animal liberation front.  I donated anything I could. I bought cruelty free products and boycotted animal tested brands.  Etc....mostly etc.  I was an avid blood donor, but had many issues with anemia.  

I was diagnosed with ms in 2000.  I was advised to step up and incorporate vitamins to supplement my diet. 

I wanna say out of the gate, I am pig headed. Determined. I don't give up. I am not a quitter. I don't stop. I just keep going.  I suppose I can abstractly relate to rocky balboa.  I take hits...and I get up swinging.

The ms knocked me on my ass, turned my life upside down, made me feel like a pussy.  After almost a year of infusions, dr visits, MRIs, working about 60 hrs a week, doing what I could for my brother and sister, doing anything I could for my grandparents...I was fucking frayed.  I felt lost, lonely, alienated.  I sought connection, and escape.  I was overwhelmed.  I was drowning and looking for a lifeboat.

Flash forward.

For whatever reason, at the time, I began eating meat again.  I stopped looking at manufacturers when I purchased dish detergent and shampoo.  I started buying new clothes and leather shoes.  I became a person I would have simultaneously hated and pitied.

I have renewed.  In the course of almost 4 months of depression free life, my lens became clear again.  My mood stability is paramount.  A Suicidal ideation confession was the catalyst to painful decisions.

And now, I remember who I was.  I was and am an empath.  I was and am a vegetarian.  I was and am an introvert.  I was and am passionate about the welfare of animals. 

I never was, but now I am active on social media.  I have to say, in the world of social media, people in general suck.  I could give a fuck about your filtered selfies of your new hair.  I could give a fuck about your arbitrary post about your quinoa salad.  I could give a fuck about your legs in a bubble bath pic.  Sheep. Mindless herd.  Media babies.  Cells a permanent fixture in their hands, head downcast and eyes staring.  I could give a fuck if you think someone is hot, including yourself.  

Who I was, and who I am now has bigger fish to fry than some viral video, some tawdry fad, or some crap series.  Some fucking morons say YOLO. You only live once.  

Not me.  I live EVERY fucking day.  Until I die.

I don't need cheap thrills for gratification.  I need nourishment.  Enrichment.

And I cannot blame ms for eating meat for the past 8 years.  But, I can say that it was a part of it.